From The Times
It is not often that Liam Gallagher and Jeremy Clarkson appear in a list with Noël Coward and Shakespeare. But according to a new survey they are among Britain’s wittiest individuals.
The top ten places in the poll all went to men. The highest-ranking woman was Baroness Thatcher, at number 12, who once remarked: “Being powerful is like being a lady – if you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.”
The top spot went to Oscar Wilde, who once claimed that “to disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity”. He was not known for his modesty and, for once, would probably have been happy to agree with the verdict of all 3,000 people surveyed for the digital television channel Dave TV.
Few would argue that the Dublin-born playwright, who spent much of his life in England, was the master of the clever quip. Even on his deathbed in 1900, he is alleged to have said: “My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or other of us has got to go.”
Spike Milligan, the Goon Show creator who took second place in the poll, delivered his final witty one-liner from beyond the grave. He died in 2002 after specifying that his tombstone should carry the line: “I told you I was ill”.
Stephen Fry, in third place, is the highest-placed wit who has not yet met his maker. He played Wilde in the 1997 film of that name and once quoted him when passing through customs at an airport, announcing: “I have nothing to declare but my genius.”
The comedian, actor and quiz-show host, once said that animal testing was cruel because “they get nervous and get all the answers wrong”.
Jeremy Clarkson, the Top Gear presenter and newspaper columnist, is a more surprising entry at number four.
His caustic comments have earned him a fan-base beyond those who care about the vehicles he reviews. He is not noted for his eco-friendliness and once said: “We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging. I want to drive around in a Terminator, not the heroine in an EM Forster novel.”
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